Document: draft-ietf-lemonade-notify-s2s-00.txt Review: Mary Barnes Date: 22 april 2005 Summary: -------- Document should be ready for publication following ALOT of editorial clean-up. I did have a question as to why this is a "Proposed Standard" when it's a requirements document. I would suggest that it be published as "Informational". Editorial clean-up: ------------------- - Status of this Memo: needs the new boilerplate. - Abstract, 1st paragraph, 1st and 2nd sentences: I think the reference to the notifications is not necessary in the 1st sentence and makes it difficult to read. The alerts being in the form of notifications is implicit in the next sentence, which can be changed to make it explicit. I would also break that second sentence into 2. I would propose rewording from: " This memo suggests a set of requirements for the implementation of a protocol in which a messaging system (e.g. email server, voice mail system, etc.) submit alerts, which describe potential notification events, regarding an end user mailbox status change (e.g. new message has arrived, mailbox is full, etc.). These alerts are sent to a notification service, which may, in turn, generate an end user alert notification. " to: " This memo suggests a set of requirements for the implementation of a protocol in which a messaging system (e.g. email server, voice mail system, etc.) submits alerts regarding an end user mailbox status change (e.g. new message has arrived, mailbox is full, etc.). These alerts are sent as notification events to a notification service. Upon receipt of these events, the notification service may generate an end user alert notification." - Abstract, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: I would propose rewording to correct punctuation and improve readibility by changing from: " The protocol facilitates a solution where the messaging system initiates an end user notification, while allowing the messaging system, not to be familiar with the end user's notification preferences. " to: " The protocol facilitates a solution where the messaging system initiates an end user notification, without requiring the messaging system be familiar with the end user's notification preferences." - Abstract, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: Correct punctuation by removing first 2 commas (after "protocol" and "user"). - Section 1.1, 4th paragraph: Expand acronym "WAP". Expand acronym "SMS" - Section 1.1, 5th paragraph: I don't think the expansion for "SMS" is "Short Text Message" and per previous comment, the expansion should be in the 4th paragraph. - Section 1.2, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: "if such ..." should be "If such..." - Section 1.3, Notification Service. Correct punctuation. Change from: "A system, which aggregates all notification events from multiple Messaging systems to multiple end user destinations." to (you could even leave out the commas altogether, but if you use them this is how they should be used): " A system which aggregates all notification events, from multiple Messaging systems, to multiple end user destinations. - Section 2.1, 3rd bullet. Remove 1st comma (after "actions"). - Section 2.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence. This first sentence is unclear. I would suggest adding the appropropriate article and qualifying subscription by changing from: "It is RECOMMENDED that the notification protocol would not deal with subscription." to something like: "It is RECOMMENDED that the notification protocol not define a subscription mechanism." - Section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "on" between "relies" and "a". - Section 2.2, 2nd paragraph, 1st numbered item: insert "a" or "the" between "having" and "subscription". Capitalize "it" at the beginning of the second sentence. - Section 2.3, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: There are some (3) funny characters that should be straight single quotes (i.e. '). - Section 2.4, last paragraph. There are some (2) funny characters that should be straight single quotes (i.e. '). - Section 2.5, 1st sentence. Insert "a" between "send" and "URL". Remove 3rd and 4th commas (after "event" and "eventually"). - Section 3.1, last paragraph, last sentence. There is a funny character that should be straight single quotes (i.e. '). - Section 3.1.2, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence. comma should be a semicolon (";"). - Section 4.2, 1st paragraph, last sentence. Change "...allow the source receive an acknowledge..." to "...allow the source to receive an acknowledgement..." - Section 4.2, 2nd paragraph, needs spacing before it. - Section 4.3.1.2. Another funny character that should be a single quote. - Section 4.3.1.3. Ditto. - Section 4.3.2. "eiliminate" should be "eliminate". - Section 4.3.2. There is no section 2.10.1. I think this should be 4.3.1. - End section. Needs the full copyright, etc.