Document: draft-housley-contentcollection-03.txt
Review: Michael A. Patton
Date: 15 november 2004 

Summary: This draft is ready for publication as a Proposed Standard RFC

I noticed a few things that could be cleaned up in RFC preparation,
none should delay the publication, however.

Readability issues
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I would recommend in the preparation of the final RFC that the
diagrams in section 1 be arranged to occur closer to the subsection
that references them.  It's also bad form to have the RFC2119 boiler
plate all the way at the bottom of page 3, I'd suggest moving it
before the two examples which puts it fairly early on page 2, or even
ahead of section 1, if that meets the RFC Editor's guidelines.  If the
document goes through another revision as an ID, I could suggest
better structural reorganization, but it would be more than is allowed
without a new ID.

In section 3 there's a reference to "(1..MAX)" and I didn't find any
other reference to "MAX".  This may be an ASN.1 thing (i.e. that
"SEQUENCE SIZE" defines it somehow), but it bothered me as a
non-expert, so I thought I'd mention it in case addition of some words
could make it clearer (but, not knowing ASN.1, I can't suggest what
words would be appropriate).  It wasn't that I didn't understand, it
all seems clear, just that it seemed like the kind of thing that might
cause interoperability confusion...or maybe not.


Simple typos:
-------------

Section 1: The first sentence English not is.  :-)  Not knowing
	exactly what you wanted, there are a couple of possible ways
	to correct it.  You might just change the word "using" to
	"applying" or the word "to" to ""with" or "for".

Section 1.2: "In stead of providing" => "Instead of providing"

Section 3: "Attribute stricture" => "Attribute structure"